Thursday, November 16, 2017

Me? No. Never! Well,... hand me that ring.

I am getting married.

Written out, black on white, it brings up so many emotions, thoughts, memories, and a lot of curiosity. People who know me will be surprised and say, 'but you never wanted to get married'. To those I say, that I never say never. At least not fully convinced. I just don't like to restrict myself.

Granted, I doubt the usefulness of marriage and I'm puzzled by women and men, who start dreaming about and planning their dream wedding before they have left their diapers. I understand the concept of marriage and how it evolved but I do not agree with what religious fundamentalists, mostly men, and marketing machines have made out of it.

I accept it as a union of two people of any gender, religion, orientation, or geographic origin. I understand that they might want to show the rest of the world that they committed to spending their lives together, come what may. And I love that idea. Although, it still doesn't explain the institution of marriage. A party, vows and stuff, and a contract would do just as easily as that. 

It makes sense if there are children involved, to give them certainty and in case that one of the parties rethinks their commitment, given the stinky diapers and sleepless nights combined with stretch marks and the loss of a perfect set of boobs. Or the acquisition of a perfect set of boobs by the other party. In that case there needs to be a legal basis without having to employ a lawyer before you get married. But even then, this should be based on whether or not someone is the mother or father or the child.

A big tax saver it is. But mainly if only one partner earns a lot of money and the other one not a lot.

My favorite feature of marriage, is the fact that you can bring your spouse to your home country. I love this. While there is a lot of paperwork required and it does get abused, oftentimes commercially, many times crossing the threshold into human trafficking. But overall, it's one of the best parts of marriage. Especially for someone who is torn between "Heimat" and home.

So yeah, while I did think about it and even talked about it with former partners, I never felt the need to get married. And eventually, I let go of the feeling of failure that I hadn't gotten someone to marry me by the age of 30, of the idea that there must be something wrong with me. And began to enjoy the prospect living my life like I want to live it. Do what I want to do, ignoring any expectations society might have, whether real or imagined by me and my inner critic.

Yet, here I am now. I do feel the need to tell this world that I want to commit to this man for the rest of my life. Come what may. I want to share everything I have with him, without a second thought. I know that he will let me be who I am. If anything, he will help me better understand who I am and who I can be. I will not be absorbed by an institution and a spouse and disappear. I am and will be myself will remain so. As is and will he. And soon, there will be this third entity. This new, pristine union of two human beings, an unimaginably powerful,  kind and compassionate combination. Not to mention totally weird and silly. And scared as hell, facing this world with its newborn eyes.

I do not say "never". I am not sure about "forever". But I am sure as hell about "I will do what I can for as long as possible".

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