Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Change of Plans

I will not go back to live in Germany again, anytime soon. I'm so homesick. While I love all of my friends here and many things about the people, and my colleagues, and the beautiful nature in this country, there is so much that makes me sad and hurt and angry. The selfishness and the waste of scarce resources. The absence of compassion and the unwillingness to share. The claim for greatness but at the same time the utter lack of appreciation of knowledge and education beyond "What makes me rich fast?". How can you pay your teachers less than $30,000 a year and expect to be "great"?

It's hard. Every day that I witness this, makes we want to go home more. I know that Germany is not perfect, either. I remember being unhappy and angry, the dense population causing stress and impatience. Not only do people don't want to know "how you are", they don't even ask you! The gap between rich and poor is widening there, too. The every day richer rich and the power addicted dictators with tiny hands and penises are slowly eradicating democracy. While claiming to defend it by arresting and killing all opposition, throwing bombs at hospitals and schools, and building walls to keep out the children who are seeking shelter from theses bombs and the ones they were aimed at.

But I'm deviating. 

The move to Germany was meant to save my sanity. Leaving this country that has long killed democracy and been ruled by money, names, and greed. The brilliant minds who could alleviate the pain and lessen the gap to the poor focus their energy on marketable profitable products. Settle on Mars. Live forever. Travel anywhere, anytime, as convenient as possible. Instead of making life better for everyone. Even the ones that cannot afford to pay for it. I want to live in a country that still has enough common sense left to care for and invest into human beings. A country where mistakes are accepted and used as learning opportunities to better oneself and not sold as victories, calling everyone who disagrees liars and fake news creators. A country where science and facts are worth more than Hollywood, money, and size 0.

I keep thinking about how I never wanted to move to the United States. Everything about this country made me not want to live here. The culture, or absence thereof, the horrible food, the lack of compassion for weaknesses, the blindness of its people towards the fact that it is not a democracy they live in but a 'monetary aristocracy'. If you can only vote for two parties, THAT. IS. NOT. A. DEMOCRACY. And yet you bomb countries to bring them the gift of democracy. Countries that are not treating their people much worse than you do... 

And yet, I have to stay. And make it work. I'm staying for love. I am unable to leave behind the man I love and his dog, our dog, who is not allowed to enter Germany. Because of her breed. Because some lazy ass politician found it easier to ban a list of breeds than educate and treat the broken people who turn innocent creatures into killers on command, exploiting their unconditional love and absolute obedience. Too lazy to help people understand that no animal is innately bad. Not even humans are. They all become who they are because of what happened to them. And they all can be helped.

Life does theses things to us. And despite all of the terror and anguish and pain of the above, I feel blessed and grateful to have found love like that. Love that wouldn't even let me hesitate for one second to decide that we cannot go. Whatever made me want to move back in first place, loses its importance. Because we cannot just discard her like a piece of furniture too big to fit into the new place. And I can't go alone. 

And there go all those plans. Moving to Germany. Going into German politics. I certainly don't want to go into politics here. The why is a whole other blog post. But the need to do something prevails. I want to help mitigate effects of living in this country on children and animals. We will build a house and have enough space to foster. And live a life away from noise and people. In nature. Off the grid. In a house built by us. Build a little oasis. An oasis of compassion and common sense.