Friday, September 23, 2016

Love

I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I might have found the one person who is just perfect for me. For a while, and if I'm really honest, even now, I've searched for something I don't like about him. And because I couldn't find anything big and obvious, I even paid close attention to all the little things. And there were some, but none of them lingered, none of them turned out to be the spark to light the fire of doubt that would eventually eradicate the affection and relationship. Sometimes quickly, sometimes painfully slow. But there was no such spark. And hence, no easy way out for me. Even things like burping, snuffling, or leaving the bathroom door open while peeing didn't bother me at all. I still love this man.

There are the obvious things I love, like his looks, his smile, the sound of his voice and his laughter, the way he treats me and what he says and does to let me know that he loves me. Which would be enough for me to know he does, but he even tells me he loves me. His storytelling, his curiosity and intelligence, the joy I feel when being with him, talking to him, and listening to him. But what is most important, he challenges me. I've had relationships before with men who tried that, but I never let them. Not sure, what he does differently, and it's not easy and I still do resist. And yet, I do try things I never wanted to try before. And I'm learning so much about myself. Things I already knew but never fully accepted. Because it scared me to do them. To accept who I really am and to take action based on that. Action like doing things that I never thought I could do. But the more time I spend with him, the more I realize that the reason I have been holding back is not so much the fact that I don't have the skills, education, talent, and experience but rather that I don't give myself enough credit. He makes me read, watch and listen to people who are like me and incredibly successful but who I thought I didn't like and, consequently, ignored. And the more I do that, the more I realize how much power there is inside of me. Dormant and unused. And how much good there could be done with it. If only I acknowledged who I really am, rolled up my sleeves, and went to work.

He made me watch a movie about someone who has used his empathy to not only build a million if not billion dollar business but also change the lives of thousands of people in a way that causes an avalanche. Those thousands will go out and change thousand more lives and so on and so on. And despite his success and the decades he's spent doing this, he still feels the pain of every single person he talks to. And, I'm sure, the pain of everyone else. And yet, he does not falter but only gets stronger and continues changing lives. I understood, that feeling all that pain and having all that empathy can be such a powerful thing. And you don't have to get rid of it to be happy and successful. You just need to use it for your and everyone else's benefit.

I've heard a highly regarded consultant speak about leadership, using words and examples I used when I was nineteen. Then, I didn't know that my attitude and demeanor at work was the attitude and demeanor of a leader. I've never seen myself as one but, somehow, many people around me have. And that without rank, without orders, without bullying. Just because of me and the way I do things and treat people. Not that I was unaware of all of that. But somehow, I didn't want to go there. And now there is someone who makes me want to go there. Better, he makes me want to go there and I allow him to do it.

And again, like so many times before, I feel like I'm pointing out the obvious here. Millions of successful people became successful because of this one or a few people in their lives who triggered something. Who challenged them and supported them in a way that no one else had done before. That made them see themselves like they really were and not like they thought they were or should be. And this can be anyone. A colleague, a partner, a friend, a coach of any gender. I am in no way saying that a woman cannot be truly successful and happy without a partner. Sometimes it's quite the opposite. But no one, really no one, can be truly successful and happy alone.

Love, I think I've finally understood what it is. It gives me the courage to fly. I always knew I had wings and even knew how to fly. And I surely knew how good it felt to fly. But I didn't do it. God knows, why. And here comes someone who just gives me the last push I needed to do it. Somehow I feel not only the courage but the strong urge to fly. And take off and it's like nothing else I've ever felt or done and I never want to stop again.






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